You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
