my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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