did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
