Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
