You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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