I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
