Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
