That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
