you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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