Swine flu is the new snow day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
