Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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