i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dick very happy bro
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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