oh god the rape fog is back!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
