The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
