Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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