he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
