8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
