You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
