his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
did you just send me my own nude
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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