Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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