sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
