SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
