Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
