every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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