someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
