I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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