one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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