Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
