For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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