i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
