The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
