I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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