My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
