I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
