Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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