We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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