just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
