Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
