id be glad to
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
