It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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