I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
