I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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