dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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