dude i'm inner monologue high
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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