I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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