I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Couch. On fire.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
