I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
