you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
