At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
