I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
