I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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