I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
