I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
