Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
