i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
