I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My first STD was from a foam party
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nicole vs. Life
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
