You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
